I am surrounded by flatterers and fools. It can drive a man to madness,.. . Half of them don’t dare tell me the truth, and the other half can’t find it.
[points at robot] im gonna kiss that
no....stop....its made of metal....it doesnt even have lips you cant......
[kisses robot] luv this robot
i want those shorts
okay LET ME TELL YOU ALL A STORY about the time I met Childish Gambino.
I went to go see his concert when he was in Indianapolis a few years back, and let me tell you, that dude looks straight up CRAZY on stage. I mean, eyes bulging, the cords in his neck sticking out, at one point he leapt up onto one of the enormous speaker sets crouched like a mountain lion and rapped right into our soul with that crazy serial killer face on and stg I was in love.
So I’m walking back to the car with my friend and we’re approached by this dude. Very tall, skinny, bent over to us, crazy-looking dude who also kind of looked a little drugged. And he rasps at us in like the deepest, growliest, stranger-danger Tom Waits voice, “Hey. …Y’all tryin to meet Childish?”
To which I instantly said YES, because my dangerous situation meter is broken, so we follow this dude around the back of the venue building where there’s a line of literally only like 10-15 people. And after standing there for a few minutes, LO AND BEHOLD DONALD GLOVER HIMSELF. In a bathrobe. Still looking crazy as fuck.
So he starts signing stuff for people, and the whole time I’m in line I’m thinking, ‘Be cool, Kitty. Don’t be starstruck. Treat him like a person and he’ll treat you like a person. Be cool. Be fucking cool.’
Because I had already made friends with one celebrity in my life, and I was figuring if I didn’t act a fucking fool then maybe Childish could be my friend, and before the end of the line I had concocted this entire scenario in which me and Donald Glover are like, fucking in his trailer because I acted SO COOL and NOT STARSTRUCK AT ALL, and suddenly I’m at the front of the line standing in front of the man and in the tiniest cracking voice I squeak
So, fucking blew it. And he asks if I want him to sign anything, so I say YES, and realize I have nothing to fucking have him sign, so I just say, “Sign ME”, and dude obligingly clicks open his sharpie and says “Where at?”
and I swear to god I look Donald Glover in the face and manage, “Sign my tits, man,”, THRUSTING MY CHEST IN HIS DIRECTION SO MY OVERFLOWING CLEAVAGE IS WITHIN HIS REACH
AND DONALD GLOVER, IN A HIGH, MOCKING VOICE, CALLS OUT TO HIS CREW, ‘SIGN MY TITS, MAN’, AND SIGNS MY TITS WITH GUSTO AND A FLOURISH
and I walked back to the car redfaced and wobblylegged and that’s how I act when I meet celebrities and that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to send a letter to Bill Nye because I am a BIG EXCITED BABY
when people don't sit next to me on the bus:
offended and relieved
when someone sits next to me:
irritated yet flattered
I really like my life right now, I have friends around me all the time. I’ve started painting more. I’ve been working out a lot. I’ve started to really take pride in being strong. I love the album I made. I love that I moved to New York. So in terms of being happy, I’ve never been closer to that.
—Taylor Swift for Rolling Stone 2014
"white people can’t danc-"
"white people can’t twer-"
if u wanna date me I hope u like excessive swearing and long talks about feminism
We’re having pizza for dinner, is that ok?
- Talk about their past shows like they were the greatest.
- Hate at least one critically acclaimed actor/actress.
- Refuse to watch the movie because, “the live musical was better.”
- Drink coffee like it’s their job.
- Judge the lighting at every event ever.
- Wear black regularly.
- Cringe at the rare instance they see sunlight.
- Essentially live in a cave.
- Be Batman.
i was cuddling this guy once n he had his head on my chest n just whispered “what did you just think about?” and i went “netflix” becus i was thinkin about netflix and he just went
"oh. your heart sped up and i… ok"
Changed my character’s outfit to a summer version!
This is not a photo manipulated picture. This is one of many of our fallen soldiers. Their remains are gathered up and bagged and sold as some merchandise like their lives are some sick joke.
With your help, we can end this disgrace and bring these fallen warriors home to their families instead of placed on shelves.
You know what I’m starting to think you guys aren’t even being sarcastic with this anymore
i want the “steve rogers is bi” movement to become so strong that people who arent in on it begin to question it. they’ll be like “he isn’t canonically bi… is he?” but they’ll never find a real answer bc so many people will be like “no. he is. he definitely is” and everyone will be confused and then his bisexuality will get written into movies
put her in office omg